Ray of Hope
Daisy magazine|January/February 2017

Successful Relationships: as Important for Women in the Bedroom as in the Boardroom

Paula Grooms

Sound sexist? While individuals do vary, the most recent brain research confirms the hard-wired differences of men and women that we all witness on a regular basis. In the snapshot of Lars and Lana’s life below, see if you can spot the subtle differences in the way each feel, think and behave, vis-à vis their gender and their work/relationship focus.

Lars and Lana have been married for six years. Lars is forty-two years old and works as a Senior Account Executive at a major Title and Escrow Company. He has weathered a great deal of upheaval at the company and hasn’t always been appreciated. Lars feels “sticking it out” has been worth it and that recent management changes will bode well for him in the long run.

At thirty-eight years old, Lana recently decided to forego making partner at her law firm where she has worked for ten years. Last year, she accepted a position as a legal recruiter – feeling that halving her salary was worth less demands on her time and that less stress would be more conducive to starting a family. A year ago, Lars was implicated in a scandal at his company. His former boss was unethical and felt he would save himself and his position, if someone as trusted and well-liked as Lars was brought into a scheme he attempted to execute. Lars was completely unaware of the activities of his boss, but until the truth was uncovered and his boss was fired, Lars was under a great deal of scrutiny and stress.

At about the same time Lars and Lana decided to start a family. Despite feeling Lars should find a company that would value him more, Lana was supportive and was there to listen whenever Lars chose to talk. Lars would commend Lana for being “a trouper,” but most nights he would come home late and barely speak. On others, he wouldn’t engage much at all – preferring to tune out in front of the TV or spend hours at the gym. Lars rarely wanted to be physical and whenever Lana was simply affectionate, Lars would ask her not to “pressure” him.

Lana understood Lars’ reaction to his work stress and accepted that getting pregnant would be on hold for a while. She concentrated on wrapping up her cases at the law firm – exiting on a real high. She searched for a legal recruiting position and met with several firms until she found a retained firm whose mission aligned with her values. She began her new job with excitement and in nine months rose to an executive management position.

Fast forward nearly a year to last Tuesday night. Lars and Lana had a special date planned with reservations at one of the premier fusion restaurants downtown. The couple was looking forward to a rooftop nightcap and love-making afterwards, as it was the best time of the month for Lana to become pregnant. Lana scheduled a manipedi and even splurged on a pair of heels she didn’t particularly like, but knew that Lars would find sexy. Lars made sure the reservations were confirmed.

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