Are You getting in your own way?

Experts share strategies to thwart the common ways we self-sabotage, so we can reduce stress, spark joy and reach our true potential

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For weeks, you’ve been working on a fundraiser for your local animal shelter. But the posters of the cute adoptees aren’t quite right and the baskets for the tricky tray event aren’t quite full enough… at least that’s what you’ve been telling yourself. Your perfectionism may seem motivating, but the reverse is also true: It’s causing you to delay pulling the trigger on your goals out of fear of not being “good enough.” This is just one way we sabotage our self-interests. Fortunately, getting to the root of this impulse will help us defuse it and embrace greater confidence and happiness.

“Self-sabotage says, ‘I want something, but for some reason, I’m engaging in behavior that makes me move further away from it,’” explains psychologist Candice Seti, PsyD, author of The Self-Sabotage Behavior Workbook. “For example, you might tell yourself that you want to be in a relationship, yet you never go on a dating site.” This self-defense mechanism seemingly protects us from disappointment—after all, if we never try, we can’t fail—but it actually blinds us to our true potential.

Despite its many iterations, from perfectionism to procrastination, one common denominator links all self-sabotage. “It’s always about fear—of change, of the unknown, of failure and even of success,” says Seti. Simply knowing why we do it can help us outsmart these self-limiting beliefs. Read on for four common sabotaging traps and the strategies proven to let you reclaim the joy you deserve.

THE SABOTAGE