I crave adventure, but want to know where I'm going

It's not easy to balance the lure of the new with the need to be still for those around her, reflects Caro Giles

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I spend a lot of my time trying to create certainty for my children, who can find change stressful. Parenting kids who need familiarity can be very challenging — the planning and thinking ahead means I exist in a near-constant state of hyper vigilance. I’ve written before about my restless nature and how I struggle to manage my itchy feet as a full time carer — it goes against my own wild and meandering mind.

Last year I was lucky enough to gaze up at Italian frescoes and bathe in Provencal sunshine. I lost myself in hilltop villages and shadowy cloisters: every glimpse I caught of myself in a window or mirror felt like an opportunity for reinvention. The possibilities for what I could do or who I might become felt endless, my mind expanding even as I realised how tiny I am in relation to this big beautiful world. I love new and surprising, and I’m greedy for all of the experiences yet to come. But these unexpected moments have had the effect of ripping the scales from my eyes and now it’s impossible not to look longingly at the horizon and wonder what it might hold for me.