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It’s not always the guy who fears commitment. If you’re the one hiding behind a wall in your relationship, Anindita Ghosh tells you how to ID the problem and break the cycle forever

- Anindita Ghosh

We have all dealt with emotionally unavailable people at some point in our lives. Conventional wisdom says it’s mostly men who fit the bill, but women are just as likely to hide behind walls. In fact, there is a chance you might be emotionally unavailable in your relationship and have no idea about it. Here are some indications that you may be carrying a closed sign on your heart, and ways to help you open up to all the love out there.

GOING STRAIGHT TO BED

Do you give more importance to physical chemistry than emotional connections? Well, experts say that prizing sexual compatibility over everything else right at the outset of a relationship shows that you do not want to take things to a deeper level and deal with any feelings—his and yours. “As I grow older, I find that I just don’t want to make the effort to take a relationship beyond the sexual level,” says Ruchira Trivedi, entrepreneur, 36. “To become emotionally open to a guy means I will have to deal with his emotions too. It’s so much easier to just have a fulfilling sexual relationship!”

KEEPING YOUR OPTIONS OPEN

Does your love life suffer from a problem of plenty, with not a single partner you want to be serious about? Aparna Samuel Balasundaram, psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder of lifeskillsexperts.com, says that juggling too many guys at the same time and playing the field could be a defense mechanism—a way to avoid committing to one relationship. “Subconsciously, you believe that it would be giving one person too much power to hurt you,” says Aparna. While being a female Casanova could be fun for some time, the practice itself could find its roots in deeper issues.