What They Don't Tell You About Marathons

It's not just about training plans, nutrition, hydration and pacing. If you're considering a marathon, you need to know the weird stuff too, says John Carroll.

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BEFORE THE RACE

KEEP IT SIMPLE

When someone asks you how your training is going, answer, "Fine, thank you." You will be seized with an intense desire to elaborate, to describe in exhaustive detail every minute of your most recent long run - including that significant moment when you saw a heron perched wisely on a fallen tree - but you must resist, because No One Wants To Hear About Your Training. Not your parents, not your partner, not your children, not your closest friend and not your dog. Not even other people training for a marathon; because they want you to shut up so they can tell you about that moment on an early-morning run when they saw a dassie standing wisely on a fallen tree.

BE YOURSELF

You do not have to take part in the pre-race mass warm-up, during which someone with a headset will shout commands and everyone else will pretend they heard what was said and do a jumping jack. You are not in the army. Also, if you're encouraged to 'give yourself a big round of applause', don't feel obliged to comply. You haven't done anything yet.

KIT OUT

The night before your race, carefully lay out your running kit. Do not lay it out in the shape of a person, as it may come to life, and then where will you be?

APPLY YOURSELF