How to be a father in the present, not battling the past

For many of us, the absence of a father created a ghost to fight when we became parents

- LZ GRANDERSON

COMEDIAN Roy Wood Jr. once shared an observation about being a dad that lives rent free in my head: “It’s a weird thing when you get to be more of a father to your child than your father was to you.

The hardest thing you have to let go of when you make a choice to be present in your child’s life and be there is that you're fighting this battle of being happy to be a father while also being sad for yourself in that you didn’t get this. I remember when I played catch with my son for the first time, I almost cried in front of him because I just never did that with my pops. He was gone. So, you're being present as a father while also trying not to be jealous of your kid but you're the reason you're jealous, so it’s your fault.”

I half-jokingly asked if that was a form of self-hate.

Wood, the host of CNN’s “Have I Got News for You,” replied: “Yeah.” Full-jokingly. I think.

Like Wood, I didn’t grow up with my father in my life and didn’t fully understand how that absence shapes parenting until I had a son of my own.