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ACCIDENTS & EMERGENCY
Poch has diagnosed Blues' issues

THE WEEPER SEX
Modern men are no longer afraid to cry

Burgers and ice cream 'can fight cancer'
BOFFINS HAIL BREAKTHROUGH

Fifty shades of Al
ROMP WITH ROBOT IS BRITS' BIGGEST FANTASY

LIVE LONGRRR
Drug prolongs life in dogs and could also help humans

HOLDEN OUT FOR AMANDA IN 2024
BGT star wanted in the jungle

Bobby: I'm real Goody two shoes
'I GET IT FROM MUM'

DENISE: WE SERVED 'EM PEES PUDDING
LOOSE Women star Denise Welch admitted serving wee-infused rice pudding to guests at a holiday camp.

KARMA CHAT ME AND MUM
Boy George's 'beyond grave' inspiration

Only Fools Jason: Hip op won't stop me & my chopper
SIR David Jason has no plans to hand in his helicopter licence, despite having hip replacement surgery earlier this year.

FLABBY BOZO: BRITS TOO FAT
Cheek of ex-PM in Covid blast

Rory blast at state of UK prisons
FORMER prisons minster Rory Stewart has revealed how one lag clambered over a perimeter fence in full view of \"everyone\" but was just \"let go\".

SOLDIERS' SCHOOL
VLADIMIR Putin has ordered schoolkids as young as five to be trained for war.

Dealers in 'Deliveroo' drug scam
RIDERS' RIP-OFF KIT

NOSE PLACE LIKE HOME...
England smells of fry-ups

We need a bigger camera!
SAY jeez... brave divers grab the perfect photo fin-ish, up close and personal with some hungry bull sharks.

Buy £40 gimp suits... on plastic
TERROR OUTFITS SHOCK

£200 to spend night with Giggs
FOOTIE STAR'S MEET AND GREET

Rise of unibrow
HAIR-RAISNG NEW LOOK FOR WINTER

Bernie rides again
BERNIE Clifton wants to go back on tour at 87.

BILLIE'S MUM SPROUT FOR THE COUNT
BILLIE Shepherd revealed her mum once almost choked on a sprout at Christmas.

UFO alert over lights in the sky
WORRIED locals are convinced UFOs spotted flying over their town were four alien spaceships.

HELL FOR WEATHER
-10C UK is colder than Russia

Jobs will go down Tube thanks to AI
BOT REPLACING ANNOUNCER

SAUCY SPICE
Mel B: I never travel without sachets of HP

HAMAS 'DEAL U-TURN' FURY
Delay to latest hostage swap

Haunted by cigar-smoking ghost of Jimmy Savile
A DISTRAUGHT mum who dodged the evil clutches of sex monster Jimmy Savile when she met him on Top of the Pops says his cigar-puffing ghost haunts her.

VINNIE SAVES 'HOGS
Star 'backs underdog'

POLDARK'S PUB CRAWL
Truro is tops for boozers

Seized by aliens on cig break
POLICE took a call from a man claiming he had been snatched by aliens while smoking a cigarette.