find freedom from stress

When you've been under extraordinary, prolonged pressure, the health consequences intensify. But even then you don't have to be at the mercy of your emotions. Here's how to set yourself up for a calmer existence, come what may.

- STACEY COLINO

Over a two-year period, Arlin Cuncic was hit with a tsunami of stressful events. Early in the chaotic COVID lockdown her mother died of cancer, and the following year her brother passed away suddenly. Soon after that her husband's best friend died. Cuncic and her husband were thrust into the unfamiliar role of estate executor, and while they were dealing with this overwhelming responsibility, her father had some health issues. All this hit them on top of their usual responsibilities at work and raising their two children.

The result of this intense period of relentless overload was that Cuncic ended up in a state of high alert day and night. “I'd always been a calm person, but it got to the point where I couldn't deal with even minor problems,” says Cuncic, now 51, who is an author and the founder of aboutsocialanxiety.com and lives near London, Ontario, Canada. “I was overreacting to things that wouldn't have bothered me in the past and arguing with my daughter and my husband more than I should have.”

This state of mind started taking a toll on her health, causing gastrointestinal problems, heart palpitations, and sleep difficulties. It had an impact on her emotions as well, making her feel angry and edgy and unable to think straight.

There's a term for what Cuncic was experiencing, “high stress reactivity,” and it is a fairly common phenomenon. Stress reactivity, defined as “the capacity or tendency to respond to a stressor,” is in itself a good thing. It simply means that when problems or threats arise, this physical and emotional response readies you to take action. Without some stress reactivity, you'd stand with your mouth open, hands at your sides, unable to cope. But when your stress reactivity level spikes, you're vigilant (What fresh hell is this?) and too quick to react, and these reactions are overly intense or prolonged. That's when it becomes problematic for your health and well-being.

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