STUCK WITH YOU

Motherhood is amazing, except when it’s not

- TRINA EPILEPSIA BOUTAIN

“Nothing from nature is good or bad. Natural things are just are; the only good and bad things are people’s various choices in the face of what is.” - David Foster Wallace

The pandemic has pushed me to spend an unprecedented time with my family. It’s both good and bad. As someone who’s worked all her life, as the oldest sister who has been trained to get sh*t done, as a middle child who conforms her feelings to those around her, as a geriatric member of the widely-despised Millennial (oh, our feelings!) generation, and now as a mother to two strongwilled, very young children… well, it’s been a lot.

A few days ago, I saw my three-year-old playing by herself. She had it all: an unseen audience, imaginary friends and imaginary toys. “It’s a good thing,” my husband protested to me, as I bawled in the next room. “She’s resilient.” But earlier that day she’d paused in her make-believe and suddenly turned to me. “I miss them, mama,” she said quite seriously and sadly. “Who love?” I asked. “I miss my friends,” she said, hugging me tightly and burrowing her face into my lap. And we both cried. And I cried again when she skipped back to playing by herself.

Oh, I know I’ve got nothing to complain about. I have help, a wonderful nanny who adores my kids. I’ve got a husband who works from home and takes the kids swimming every afternoon. I’ve got work that I enjoy and that keeps me busy. I’ve even got a 10-month-old baby—and we all know that a baby makes everything better.