Calm your INNER CRITIC

Negative self-talk can leave you feeling anxious and lacking in confidence, says Ali Horsfall. Here's how to dial down that destructive dialogue

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Familiar with the horrible voice inside your head? The one telling you you're not worthy of things you want, that your achievements aren't quite good enough, or simply that you don’t have the legs for shorts? Welcome to the club.

I have a critical person who resides in my mind - I liken her to a judgemental older aunt. No matter how hard I try or what I accomplish, she's always there, pooh-poohing my life choices and dampening my ideas. She reminds me to stay in my lane and never hesitates to blame me when something doesn’t go to plan. What an absolute killjoy she is.

But, after speaking to friends, I’ve realised that I have got off lightly when it comes to harsh self-talk. One woman I know says her inner voice is a full-blown bully - the kind who screams at her in the mirror that her outfit looks awful, forcing her to change clothes just to silence the attack. Another friend describes an even crueller taskmaster living in her mind - a tyrannical ruler who demands impossibly high standards and warns of catastrophic consequences if she doesn’t drive herself to exhaustion to meet them.

‘Unfortunately, women are very familiar with the inner self-critic,’ explains confidence and mindset coach Georgie Clarke (georgie-clarke.com). ‘Evolutionarily, our inner critic is there to act as a personal safety net - to save us from embarrassing situations, stop us from failing, prevent repeated mistakes and keep us inside our comfort zones. But this voice of nagging self-doubt can become loud, hold us back, and leave us feeling anxious and like we're not enough.’

How it makes us feel