SWIFT RETRIBUTION!

It's Taylor vs Olivia in copycat catfight

J.LO DUMPED A-ROD FOR TURNING SNITCH

STUNNING new reports fingering steroid cheater Alex “A-Rat” Rodriguez as a federal snitch are actually old news to his old flame Jennifer Lopez, according to sources who say that’s one of the reasons she ended her engagement to the baseball stud!

PRISCILLA PLEADS: DON'T BE CRUEL!

Elvis estate won't let her use his music in biopic

ELLEN LEAVES PAL JULIE IN THE LURCH!

EGOMANIAC Ellen DeGeneres once promised to groom Modern Family actress Julie Bowen for talk show stardom — only to cruelly ghost her, insiders tell The National ENQUIRER.

OLIVER'S TICKET TANGLE!

Newbie star cancels gig over high prices

JENNA DILLY-DALLIES ON RENEWING VOWS!

FORMER first daughter Jenna Bush Hager reveals she and hubby Henry managed to survive as a couple despite breaking a pact to renew their vows at the ten-year mark!

STREAMLINED SHERRI SHEDS 42DD BOOBS!

TV TALKER Sherri Shepherd had a lot to get off her chest - and she says she's \"so happy I did\" ― revealing the results of new breast reduction surgery!

MAGGIE HOLDS JAKE'S FEET TO THE FIRE!

Urges bro to nail down galpal before she flées

GERMOPHOBE KELLY BANS MARK FROM BED!

Micromanages hubby at home & on the air

PINHEAD KUTCHER CANCELS HIMSELF!

Eats crow over lame support of rapist Masterson

KISSING COUSINS!

It's all in the family for married couple after DNA bombshell

FIRED BUTLERS TRASHES KING!

Insists Charles will never live up to his mother's legacy

BILLION-DOLLAR BLOODBATH!

U.S. taxpayers fund gov’t plan to slaughter nation’s wild animals

ZACH CAN'T HACK IT!

Cagey country star runs from spotlight

2 GUNMEN IN JFK ASSASSINATION!

Truth revealed after 60 years!

FOXX HEARING WEDDING BELLS!

INFATUATED Oscar winner Jamie Foxx has fallen hard for galpal Alyce Huckstepp and is raring to put a ring on it — but friends fear the lifelong bachelor is rushing into a mistake, The National ENQUIRER has learned.

KUTCHER & KUNIS CANCELED!

Tone-deaf support of rapist pal Masterson knocks them off A-list

MEG RYAN CRUSHING ON KEVIN!

FORMER rom-com queen Meg Ryan would like soon-to-be single Kevin Costner to make her Sleepless in Seattle — or anywhere else — say sources.

FUNNYMAN COLBERT CRACKS UP!

Sidelined workaholic's wheels are coming off

MONEY TALKS ON TV CHAT SHOWS!

Stars defy striking writers to cash in

ALIEN MUMMIES REVEALED AT GOVERNMENT HEARING!

Fossilized corpses with three fingers found in Peru mine

FAT MATT PIGS OUT ON JUNK & CIGS

MAMMOTH Matthew Perry’s hankering for junk food and cigarettes is sabotaging his self-proclaimed effort to get healthy, say sources.

DUMPY DONALD'S FAT'S IN THE FIRE!

Only fooling himself & putting life at risk with fibs about weight

FOX HAS BIG BEEF WITH BURLY BRET

FOX News doughboy Bret Baier isn’t getting good reviews for his jowly new look, according to sources who claim the network’s underwhelmed execs are dropping less than subtle hints he needs to lose the flab!

PACINO GAINS HEFTY 50 LBS. IN PARENT TRAP!

LARDY Godfather legend Al Pacino is digging his grave with a knife and fork after being humiliated by his money-hungry baby mama’s successful bid for his bucks, tipsters tattle.

THICKE SKINNED!!

Galpal orders pickled Robin to get sober!

SHRINK HELPS HEATER WEATHER THE STORM!

HEALTHY honey Heather Locklear looks like a new person and has clearly recaptured her mojo following a lousy spell — and the recovering addict owes it all to her shrink, insiders tell The National ENQUIRER!

FAMILY INTERVENTION FOR AILING OZZY!

GLOOMY Ozzy Osbourne fell into a deep depression as his Parkinson’s disease and crippling spinal issues deep sixed his performing career — but his crafty kin came up with a unique way of pulling him back from the abyss!

TIMOTHÉE'S FANCY CLAN SNUBS KYLIE

Reality babe isn't good enough for him

ARIANA CHANGES TUNE: BOTOX AIN'T GRANDE!

PONYTAILED pop princess Ariana Grande, 30, reveals she’s given the kiss-off to lip fillers and Botox — after finally admitting she monkeyed with her mug for years!