Dashed hopes...SILVER LININGS

All is not lost! How to get beyond life's big and little disappointments, and still believe things will work out

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Almost all of us have experienced a memorable blow – those surreal stabs to the heart that you don't just get over with a hot bath and bingeing your favourite TV show.

The sinking feeling at a negative pregnancy test after a miscarriage, being made redundant from a job you love, or a buyer pulling out, causing you to lose your perfect home when you'd already decided where the Christmas tree would go.

Then there are those everyday disappointments that you feel compelled to shrug off but don't always feel so small – the delayed train home after a long day, the dress you needed for a party getting lost in the post or your babysitter cancelling at the last minute.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines disappointment as “the feeling or emotion produced by the non-fulfilment of an expectation, intention or desire”. It specifically lies in the mismatch between what we expect to happen and what actually happens, and it can be a knotty emotion to process, feeling like everything from infuriating frustration and chest-crushing anxiety to a hollow, heavy sense of “urgh”.

Dr Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist and author of (Un)stuck, says, “Disappointment is complex because we all have different beliefs, wants and expectations, meaning it hits us in a very personalised way.

“It doesn't have one flavour and it can arise at any time, for myriad of reasons. After all, every expectation for the future is really just a hope that you've attached a probability to based on your past experiences.

“Nothing is a given, but if we believe it is and attach emotions to an outcome that doesn't materialise, our brain must adjust to this new data, leaving us in a weird period of shock.”

Is it any wonder that, as bestselling author Brené Brown wrote in her 2021 book