THE WITCHER 2: ASSASSINS OF KINGS

Coming to terms with not liking CDPR's breakout RPG.

- Ted Litchfield

CD Projekt Red recently unleashed The Witcher 3: Next Gen, a big ole 4.0 update with new items, quests, graphical enhancements, a revamped camera, and ray traced lighting that nobody’s GPU can handle. It was, of course, time for a replay, and I’m obsessive and neurotic about these enormous RPGs where choices carry from game to game, so replaying The Witcher 3 means replaying The Witcher saga. I tore through The Witcher making the same choices I always do (what kind of hall monitor sides with the Order of the Flaming Rose anyway?) and arrived at The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings.

This is the game that put CD Projekt on the map, a graphical powerhouse that laid rigs low with übersampling. It’s a memetic icon of RPG choice with two completely different second acts! Amidst the rise of tablets, the ascendancy of the Xbox 360, and a premature declaration of “the death of the PC,” The Witcher 2 said, “PC gaming ain’t going anywhere, baby.” But I’ve got a horrible, terrible, unspeakable secret: I just don’t like this one very much.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is easily one of my favourite games. It’s one they hand you with your PC gamer card alongside Half-Life and Doom for a reason. The Witcher, meanwhile, is a wonderful, ambitious, Eurojank throwback. A charismatic relic that, despite a notoriously botched English translation, still has that wonderful pagan rites meet the Brothers Grimm vibe I’ve come to demand from the Witcher