Sitting in a basement studio hidden in the centre of Yerevan, Artyom reflected on his decision to desert the Russian army after a year spent fighting in Ukraine.
Just two weeks earlier, the former platoon commander was living in a trench. He has since abandoned his post and fled to the Armenian capital.
"I wanted no part in the imperialistic habits of our ruler," he said. "But I do feel guilt in front of Ukraine ... I could have said no, I just didn't know what the consequences would be."
Artyom, who asked for his last name to be withheld out of fear for his safety, is one of the growing number of Russian combatants who have fled the army over the past 20 months of war.
Coming from a small city in southern Siberia, Artyom said he joined a military boarding school as a teenager. He later signed a three-year contract with the Russian military, but quickly became disillusioned.
As Russian troops invaded Ukraine, he was stationed on the border training conscripts, but as the invasion faltered, forcing the Kremlin to announce a large-scale mobilisation, he was ordered to join the fighting.
Artyom was assigned to lead a signal platoon. He denied killing Ukrainians in combat and claimed he did not participate in or witness war crimes, but he still grapples with his role in the fighting.
"I don't try to excuse myself. My work enabled other forces to take part in the hostilities," he said.
Esta historia es de la edición November 03, 2023 de The Guardian Weekly.
Comience su prueba gratuita de Magzter GOLD de 7 días para acceder a miles de historias premium seleccionadas y a más de 8500 revistas y periódicos.
Ya eres suscriptor ? Conectar
Esta historia es de la edición November 03, 2023 de The Guardian Weekly.
Comience su prueba gratuita de Magzter GOLD de 7 días para acceder a miles de historias premium seleccionadas y a más de 8500 revistas y periódicos.
Ya eres suscriptor? Conectar
Democracy Comes Under Scrutiny Amid Battle To Buy Basics
After 25 years, Nigeria's role as the region's police officer is in jeopardy, with its people losing faith in a squeezed economy
Civil War And Bloodshed? Conviction Infuriates Trump's Base
The posts are ominous. “Pick a side, or YOU are next,” wrote conservative talk show host Dan Bongino on the Truth Social media platform in the aftermath of Donald Trump’s 34 felony convictions.
'Forever War' Risk Grows As Militants Return To Gaza's North
Israel could inherit an insurgency, warns the US, after Hamas regains strength in areas it was forced to flee
A stranger for ever A family's struggles after the second world war are intimately captured across continents and generations
Here are some of the events that are not described in Claire Messud's ambitious novel about the lives of three generations of a Franco-Algerian family: the Algerian war of independence, as a result of which the Cassar family lose their home and national identity; the two years the family's most promising scion spends as a student in Paris, during which he endures something (racist bullying? Mental collapse?) that blights his adult life; his sister's broken-hearted suicide attempt; the courtship of a couple who have been held up throughout the novel as exemplars of married love and yet whose relationship - as we discover in the final pages - was shockingly transgressive.
Concrete comfort
China's 'lying flat' generation is drawn to seek spiritual solace among the brutalist blocks of the exclusive Aranya resort by innovative architecture and the power of social media
MONEY MONEY MONEY
TAYLOR SWIFT'S NEW ALBUM, The Tortured Poets Department, is not one of her best.
MY SECRET GERMAN GRANDAD
Women who 'fraternised' with German prisoners of war horrified British society. Could one of these illicit liaisons explain a mystery at the heart of Leo Hickman's family tree?
Sheinbaum signals hope, but can she pursue her own agenda?
A month ago in Chiapas, a Mexican state caught in a bloody battle between criminal groups, a car carrying the front runner to be the country's next president was stopped by a group of masked men.
Score draw Why anime is firing up young sports stars
The Bournemouth footballer Dominic Solanke twice thought he had scored the opening goal in a Premier League game against Brentford last month.
Kingmaker How will Meloni use her growing influence on EU politics?
Italy's far-right leader has so far been a model European. But this weekend's EU elections may reveal her hand