EXCERPTS FROM A POSTING FOR MY IDEAL JOB

You are an experienced writer who lives and breathes finding excuses to avoid writing.

- DANIELLE KRAESE

You are passionate about having enough money for things like food, rent, clothes, and a Lifetime Movie Club subscription.

You know what an Oxford comma is, and you have a strong opinion about it that you'll share with just about anyone if you sense that it could waste twelve minutes of company time.

You have a hunger for just hanging out and vibing.

You also have a hunger for food, which means that you must take a break every forty minutes to get a little snack.

You possess a keen editorial eye, a conspiratorial smile, and a mercurial shoulder that will go into full spasm if someone even mentions the word "deadline."

You're obsessed with finding new ways of becoming wildly over-caffeinated to the point of being totally useless.