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EXCERPTS FROM A POSTING FOR MY IDEAL JOB
The New Yorker
|February 26, 2024
You are an experienced writer who lives and breathes finding excuses to avoid writing.
You are passionate about having enough money for things like food, rent, clothes, and a Lifetime Movie Club subscription.
You know what an Oxford comma is, and you have a strong opinion about it that you'll share with just about anyone if you sense that it could waste twelve minutes of company time.
You have a hunger for just hanging out and vibing.
You also have a hunger for food, which means that you must take a break every forty minutes to get a little snack.
You possess a keen editorial eye, a conspiratorial smile, and a mercurial shoulder that will go into full spasm if someone even mentions the word "deadline."
You're obsessed with finding new ways of becoming wildly over-caffeinated to the point of being totally useless.
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