High-Tail, Mr Ponytail!

Fast men are like fast cars – but not in a good way.

- Bruce Pinnock

EVERY RUNNING MANUAL has a chapter devoted to speedwork. The back of the pack take about as much notice of that as a gourmand does a sugar-free, dairy-free ‘health café’ that he passes on his way to the artisanal ice-cream parlour.

Why? Because running manuals were written with fast runners in mind.

A new coach had joined our athletics club – a Frenchman. He invited the members in the ‘top category’ to a speedwork session, on the local soccer field, every Thursday.

Unbeknown to the Frenchman, he had also invited Fats van Vuuren. When it came to prowess, Fats had delusions of grandeur.

What’s all this got to do with the back of the pack? I hear you ask.

Let me explain. Of the three certainties in life – death, taxes, and the fact that no runner, no matter how slow, would ever admit that he or she had finished a race behind Fats – the last was most important to us. How utterly shameful would it be, if Fats stole a march and beat us?