"I clam up if someone is hurting!"

70% of Americans say they don't know how to talk to loved ones about their loss or pain. Here, heartfelt words to offer comfort, support and hope

- Kristina Mastrocola

If they’re grieving…
Assess your comfort level 
We’ve all felt unsure about what to say or do when someone we care about has suffered a loss. “First, ask yourself how you’re most comfortable communicating,” suggests expert Robbie Miller Kaplan. “Are you okay having a direct conversation or are you more of a behindthe-scenes person who can, say, coordinate meals for the bereaved? Whatever your style is, remind yourself that it is helpful and reach out that way.”

Offer specific help
Rather than ask someone if there’s anything you can do, which is vague and can make them feel like a burden, offer concrete help, suggests expert Joyce Aitken. “For example, you might say, ‘I go to the supermarket every Tuesday. Give me your shopping list; I’d love to pick up a few things for you.’” Whether you offer to get the oil changed in their car or mow their lawn, specific gestures make it easy for them to say yes.

Identify hidden loss