Dealing with DIVORCE

Struggling to hold it together post break-up? Shocked to hear close friends or family are going their separate ways? Tanya Pearey asks how best to navigate this huge life shift

- Tanya Pearey

1 fought hard for my divorce. I really wanted it. I was the one steering it doggedly to its conclusion, and the sheer unburdened relief when I left the family home after 24 years was almost palpable. I haven't for one solitary moment regretted it - not even fleetingly. So why, once I'd moved into my new home - where I am so content could I not stop thinking about my ex? Sara Davison, aka The Divorce Coach', isn't surprised. 'It's very common when you've spent that long in a relationship,' she says. 'And even if it's your decision, it doesn't mean it's easy.'

She's right-separation hurts, even if you know it's the best for everyone, regardless of your situation and how long you've been together. No one gets married, expecting to get divorced. It's a shock when that's how it ends.

More divorces are filed for in the new year than at any other time, according to national statistics. In fact, January is so synonymous with separation that it's known as 'divorce month'-propelled by the festivities, which push many strained relationships to breaking point. But regardless of the reason for the split, divorce and separation can feel like a bomb has gone off. And even if it's not your own relationship that has broken down, ripples can be felt when those close to you decide to part.