Happiness after grief JACKSON'S BIG FATHERHOOD GOAL

The rugby star's family is trying to find peace after the unexpected death of Highlander Connor

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Weeks away from welcoming his fourth child, Moana Pasifika player Jackson Garden-Bachop couldn't be more excited. But he's also painfully aware he won't get to share the moment with his beloved brother Connor, who died unexpectedly last year.

"There's a hanging sadness that's going to be there forever," says the 30-year-old. "It's just learning to allow yourself to be happy. It's something we talk about a lot as a family.

I hope as time goes on, it'll become easier to allow those moments to feel joyous."

In June last year, Highlanders star Connor died after an unspecified medical event while visiting family. Jackson and his whānau still have no explanation for what caused the seemingly fit and healthy 25-year-old's death.

Although the days following the devastating news remain a blur, Jackson will never forget the brief phone call that changed his life forever. He'd just returned from a family holiday after completing his first season with CA Brive in France, when his sister Georgia, who was living in London, called to deliver the news. Within hours, Jackson and his young family were on a flight home.

The loss was unimaginable for Jackson, who describes Connor as more of a best friend than a brother. Just weeks earlier, they'd spoken about Connor's final Super Rugby season and his excitement about moving to Japan to begin his international career.

Shares Jackson, "He annoyed the s**t out of me when we were younger, but as we got older, we became friends. He was the best man at my wedding and it's not because he was my brother it's because he was my best mate. He was full of love, life and laughter."

After Connor, who was a father to five-year-old twins, died, the family was inundated with tributes of love, which Jackson says was only fitting for his brother, who was always smiling.