OBJETS D'EVIL

Villainous characters often have devilishly good taste. Put these tools to better use in your own lair.

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Dry Ager DX 1000 Premium S

While Buffalo Bill liked to “store” his victims for later in the bottom of a well, Hannibal Lecter preferred to dig in right then and there (just ask Paul Krendler). But when he demands the most tender possible cuts for his guests, we expect only dry aging will do. This high-class meat fridge combines ancient dry-aging methods with state-of-the-art humidity-controlled technology to take the effort, risk, and odor from hanging meats, all from a plug-and-go appliance. The result is a blackened steak with thick crust—but cut away the exterior and you'll be rewarded with the most tender, buttery piece of meat imaginable.

$ Price on request

Dragon Riot Poultry Shears

Whether you're looking to spatchcock a chicken, debone a carcass, or neatly remove your own polydactyl finger, these poultry shears will effortlessly cut through gristle and bone. The micro-serrated German stainless steel blades are easy to wield, and the nonslip ergonomic grip and lockable blades prevent unwanted accidents. While they're dishwasher safe, keep in mind that blood stains are easier to remove with cold water. $26

Sirman Anniversario LX 350 Trad Flywheel Slicer

Nothing prepares cured meats for the plate as elegantly as this 198-pound instrument of flesh-cleaving perfection. Spin the flywheel on the front to rotate the Sirman's 14-inch blade. The carriage uses a double-articulating arm to hold your prosciutto in place as it glides back and forth across the blade's edge. Despite the Anniversario LX's retro aesthetic, its all-modern design is made for demanding, precision butchery. $6,294