Why even well-meaning men fall for rape myths

They blame the woman for not protecting herself. But in no other crime does the victim get vilified.

- Sugidha Nithiananthan

The conversation started with "There's always two sides to a coin", and "Of course there's still no excuse for a man, even if a woman is standing there stark naked, acting drunk and not wanting to cover up".

Like everyone in Singapore this week, it seems, I was having a chat with some friends about Mr Chia Boon Teck's blatant victim-blaming. Mr Chia, who has stepped down as Law Society vice-president, had questioned a rape victim's actions and cited her occupation as an actress-model in his now-deleted LinkedIn post. It sounded like JT (not his real name) and I were broadly on the same page.

But then the conversation took a different turn. JT felt that "in some situations, women have a part to play which they will refuse to acknowledge". His examples were "people who dress and act provocatively". He agreed that this did not mean they asked to be raped, but he felt this "predisposes" them to being raped.

I was perplexed. He seemed to agree that that was no excuse for a man to rape a woman, yet he still felt she had a "part to play" in her rape. Anecdotal evidence of other conversations in Singapore this week indicated he is not alone.

I asked JT how it predisposed the woman to being raped. "Are they required to dress in a certain way so that a man doesn't get the wrong assumption that she wants sex? I mean whatever she wore, if she says 'no' and he forces her to have sex, that's rape, plain and simple. Whatever she wore... Do women bear responsibility for the possibility that a man may get an idea she's 'easy' because of her dressing and behaviour?"

JT is a very smart, educated, accomplished man with strong virtues. I like him. We spar on occasion but it's a discourse, not an argument.

I pursued my line of enquiry: "It's OK to change your mind. It's OK to decide 'actually I'm not feeling it with him — I want to stop'. Are we saying that's not OK?... Because rape is simply that: Did she consent or not?"