Bring back gatekeeping — when everything is a hidden gem, nothing is any more

What a difference a year makes to special places.

- Amanda Chai

Previously married, Kris identifies as biromantic (having romantic feelings towards men and women) and greysexual (someone who rarely experiences sexual attraction).

She says growing up in the pre-internet days meant there were few discussions on asexuality and such matters.

"I now have to educate the rest of my lesbian friends on what being demi or grey means," she says.

She pushes back against the prevalent belief that asexuality and aromanticism are modern phenomena primarily experienced by the young. She argues that the older generation simply did not have the same access to information and vocabulary to express what they were feeling.

"When I connected with people who were my age, I was so happy," she recounts of meeting others in their 40s and 50s at a recent Aces Going Places meetup.

She adds that she has since reconsidered her previously held view that these labels are unnecessary.

Embracing these newfangled labels shows that self-discovery can occur at all stages of life "regardless of age", she says.

MISUNDERSTOOD BY SOCIETY As a largely invisible minority, common misconceptions plague asexuals and aromantics.

When they come out to non-asexual and non-aromantic friends and family, the younger ones tend to be more accepting, but many still incorrectly conflate asexuality with celibacy or prudishness. Others assume they are repressed or missing out.

"Part of the problem is that the ace and aro spectrums are spectrums," says Mr Teng. "It's complex. I don't really blame people because it's hard to wrap your head around if it's something you've never heard of."

It is fine to ask questions if you are curious to know more, he says. However, community members tend to push back against invasive questions about sex drive or assumptions of inadequacy in the romance department.