The spies who love me

More parents than ever are using apps and electronic tags to keep track of their children. But is it actually doing more harm than good, asks mother-of-two Victoria Richards

- Victoria Richards

For my birthday last month, my dad gave me a pack of AirTags. “You could put one under the mat in your car,” he suggested helpfully. “Or, in the bag you take to work.” What he was really saying, when I read between the father-daughter lines, is that he’s worried about me. He wants to know where I am and that I’m safe - at 44.

That our parents still fret about our wellbeing, even into our forties, shouldn’t come as any surprise. It can feel overbearing, but what it really means is love. And I may eye-roll because I am an adult – as well as a mother to two children of my own – but I get it.

When they’re small, you sleep in fitful bursts, getting up every hour to check they’re still breathing. As they get older, it doesn’t get any better, just different: now, I worry about my 13-year-old daughter walking home with her friends. She looks grownup (too grownup), and I feel sick at the thought of her being catcalled or approached by men. I have her location via Find My iPhone as a tab on the homescreen, so I can see where she is at all times.

We had a row last week because she didn’t see the logic of my not allowing her to leave the local golf club at 8pm: “But it’s still light out, Mummy.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the names that ring through my mind are Sarah Everard, Sabina Nessa, and Zara Aleena – who was murdered close to where we live, three years ago.

But does this fear (my fear) help or hinder my kids from growing up and finding their feet – and their autonomy? How much should we really be tracking our kids online?