It's no sort of preparation for adult life

I REMEMBER my first detention in school. It was dished out after an incident in the playground, in which a boy from the next year up had approached me in a less than friendly manner, possibly something to do with a tackle in a football game.

- ANDY PHILLIPS

Push turned into shove and there was a slight scuffle. It was probably what would now be referred to as 'handbags' but involving schoolboys - so not very threatening at all.

In any case, I think my hands must have pushed his hands, and the edge of his bag of Skips had come into contact with his lip, which was left bleeding. He also, somehow, ended up on the ground. I can assure you that this was as much of a surprise to me as it was to him.

However, as playground news goes, this was considered hot stuff indeed. Leaving a Bigger Boy with a bleeding lip had turned me into the schoolyard equivalent of the Terminator (even though that franchise hadn't been invented yet) and I, of course, was not going to dispel the rumours, as it would at least keep any trouble far from my corner of the asphalt.

It did cost me a telling off from the playground duty teacher, Mr Ruff (I'm not joking, this was his real name) and a detention, which I served later that day.