With no eruptions from the orange man-child, Starmer was forced back to the daily grind

The PM has spent so much of his time schmoozing world leaders, he's rather out of practice at dealing with the little people

- John Crace

What just happened? It was quiet. Much too quiet. Outside his bedroom window, he could have sworn he heard birdsong.

Keir Starmer opened one eye. He leaned over to his bedside table and reached for his phone to see what disasters the orange man-child in the White House had inflicted on the rest of the world while he had been asleep. It had reached the point where he had come to confuse the daily reality check with his darkest nightmares.

Nothing. Well, almost nothing. Just one late-night post on Donald Trump's social media feed warning residents of Gaza that they would all die if they didn't release the Israeli hostages. Keir exhaled. That was someone else's problem.

Nothing also from JD Vance since he had declared that the UK and French armed forces were basically a waste of space. Sure, the vice-president had gone on to say that he definitely hadn't aimed his remarks at the French and the British even though we all knew that was exactly what he had meant. That had left everyone playing diplomatic cover-up because no one could afford to openly embarrass the Americans. The new world order meant sucking up to the bully boys.