Wall of online rage should not obscure beauty and ugliness

While the authorities have undermined fans’ trust, the truth is at risk of being buried under a mound of tinfoil hats

- Barney Ronay

So let's just get this out there. First up Michael Oliver, who has ties to the United Arab Emirates, is appointed to referee Manchester City's biggest game of the season just days after a human who looks like Keir Starmer (there is no proof of this either way) is seen in an Arsenal box, while the UK government is furiously backchannelling UAE trade relations. We're through the looking-glass here people, where even the looking-glass is made of other looking-glasses, possibly in Nyon and probably by satanists.

Meanwhile we're meant to be surprised that VAR didn't see anything wrong with Erling Haaland throwing the ball at Gabriel Magalhães's head (subplot: Brazil recently banned the use of X) as the UK government seeks a Norway-style deal to covertly sneak back into the EU. You do the algebra, sheeple.

Frankly some of us saw all this coming when Jarred Gillett, an Australian, was appointed to referee the north London derby against Spurs who are managed by an Australian, whose government literally this weekend signed an economic partnership with: Abu Dhabi. While we're on it, you know who else was Australian? Adolf Hitler.

OK, OK, OK. The madness is out there if you want it. The madness is really quite tempting because it's kind of a community vibe and a good way to meet people online and it also makes it feel as though life, which makes absolutely no sense at all, actually has a narrative and shape.