I haven't told my parents I have cancer, as I fear their reaction

Last year, I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I have told a few people, but not my family, other than my brother, and I don't know if I should. They live abroad.

- Annalisa Barbieri

I have a lot of unresolved childhood issues, which I've mostly been able to put aside. But the diagnosis is making it harder to deal with the hurt, resentment and unfairness of it all.

I was brought up by an alcoholic dad and, as the eldest daughter and “woman” of the family, I seem to have taken the role of carer for my brother, my dad and myself. My parents separated when I was eight, after years of arguments. My mother then spent most of the rest of my childhood in psychiatric care. Our extended family wouldn’t touch us with a barge pole; we were “undesirable”.

My 20s were a time of adjustment: I experienced self-harming behaviour but managed to make a life for myself. Still, my personal life has been a disaster: I have been single for 15 years.

For the past 30 years, my dad has lived a new life: he has a new family and doesn’t drink any more. He’s never spoken of his drinking, never apologised. Conversation closed.