Aunty Pat's quest for relevance

When I heard UFC was coming to South Africa, I became very excited and ran to the pub instead of driving.

- BEN TROVATO

Well, I ran halfway there, then called an Uber. I told the driver that the Ultimate Fighting Championship was on its way and he, too, became very excited and we were shouting and laughing and punching each other in the face when the news came on and we discovered that instead of getting to see a murderous mixed martial arts event, we're being rewarded with the unpleasant sight of Build One SA, Good and Rise Mzansi forming an unseemly cuddle puddle called Unite For Change.

Mmusi Maimane, Patricia de Lille and Songezo Zibi are joining forces to secure their political future in the 2026 local government elections. It’s the Communist Party syndrome - merge or die.

But while it’s a new coalition, all three will still exist as independent parties. They’re essentially friends with benefits. They don’t want to get married but are quite happy to hook up for a bit of the old coitus politicus on weekends. There’s a good reason threesomes always fall apart. Someone eventually wants to try something weird, or complains about not getting enough attention. My money’s on Patricia being pushed to the side of the bed while Mmusi and Songezo get it on.

Then again, she does come with the cachet of being an actual minister in this hotbed of scroungers and swindlers we laughingly call a Cabinet.