How to heal heartbreak and move on emotionally

After decades of counselling couples, therapist Ann Hogan knows what people need to recover from a break-up - and it doesn't involve taking revenge

- Edited by HANNAH BRITT

Over the past two or three decades there's been something of a revolution in relationship breakdown, with the average marriage now lasting only 12 years with almost half (42%) ending in divorce, according to the Office for National Statistics.

Today, society tends to treat breakups as something that one can move on from very quickly. This is reinforced by seeing celebrities often changing partners quite quickly, but we don't usually see the intense feelings they're trying to work through.

For many, it can literally feel as if your heart is breaking into tiny pieces and that you'll never feel whole again. And although the world's still going on out there, it seems as if you're not part of it any longer and that can be very disorientating.

My work as a counsellor and psychotherapist has shown me that the fallout from a breakup can affect anyone, however long your relationship lasted.

Making sense of it all while recognising that love isn't always enough can bring about acceptance and with it, hope.

IN THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH

Numbness Feeling numb can help with the sense of shock as we go through different stages of grief. This numbness often enables us to get through each day, feeling as if we're wading through mud.

Our feelings are placed on hold while our bodies are reacting with “What's really happened here? Did it actually happen? Aren't we together any longer?”

This numbness has to ride itself out and it will wear off eventually, but for a while it protects us from reality.

Yearning Even when someone breaks your heart, your love doesn't instantly fade away.

It's totally normal to love someone for a long time after a breakup, even if they've cheated on you, abandoned you or treated you badly. Take heart though - things will eventually feel a lot better.