The Wounds we don't see

In every home, children watch, listen, and absorb far more than we often realize.

- Faheem UI Islam

Their eyes follow the subtle tensions, their ears pick up the raised voices, and their hearts register the silence that follows. When parents fall into continuous conflict, the home - which should be a sanctuary - becomes a battlefield. The arguments, the blame, the long stretches of cold distance: all of these leave behind scars that are rarely visible but deeply felt. This is what psychologists today call generational trauma. But even without academic terms, every society knows this truth: when parents remain in conflict, it is the children who silently pay the price.

I have often met young people who carry these invisible burdens. They tell stories not of physical abuse or neglect, but of the atmosphere of unrest that shaped their childhoods. One young man once shared that he still feels anxious whenever he hears the sound of doors shutting hard, because it reminds him of nights when his parents’ arguments ended in slammed doors. Another admitted she had trouble trusting relationships, because she had grown up seeing love turn into hostility inside her own home. Their words reflect what research has long confirmed - children raised in high-conflict families absorb stress as if it were their own, and carry it into adulthood.

Conflict between parents is not unusual. Disagreements are natural in any relationship, and children can even learn resilience when they see their parents disagree respectfully. The problem arises when conflict becomes chronic, unresolved, and hostile. A home filled with bitterness becomes a place of constant tension. For children, this tension seeps into their developing sense of self. They may grow anxious, constantly waiting for the “next fight.” They may blame themselves, believing that somehow their existence is the reason their parents are unhappy. In extreme cases, they may even begin to replicate the same patterns later in their own adult lives - repeating the cycle of conflict that once wounded them.