Women won't put careers first? That's soft patriarchy

I was part of a panel discussion in 2023 on how India Inc is testing out different retention tools.

- DEVINA SENGUPTA

The pros and cons of work-from-home came up in our discussion. I pointed out that one needs to be cognizant of the reality that being 'seen' at the workplace carries more weight than one may realize, especially for women.

A panellist batting for flexible work hours chimed in, "But what if you want to give that time to your family, be around for that one hot home-cooked meal a day?"

The gender ratio of the panel was three men to one woman. All three male heads, plus the fourth one of the moderator, turned towards me. The panellist who had raised that question did not take my name. But people are so deeply conditioned by social norms that hearing the keywords 'family', 'meal' and 'home cooked' was enough for everyone to turn to me. It was a reminder that in society's word associations, women were responsible for all of that.

Soft patriarchy is amply found among both men and women. It is not harsh and obvious, so it cannot be easily stomped down and argued against. Instead, it mellifluously shackles you to the belief that men and women have inherent duties that they are destined to fulfil, and that not doing this would expose you to the charge or guilt of being neglectful.