Sharing Grief to Get Help

A fortnightly column about emotional well-being Sharing grief exposes vulnerability but gives loved ones a chance to comfort you with thoughtful gestures

- Sonali Gupta

My mother-in-law passed away last month in her sleep due to a cardiac arrest. She was 72 and struggled with hypertension and diabetes for years, but there were no signs or symptoms that made it seem like she was going to die so suddenly. Grief seemed sneaky and while a part of me felt that she had an uncomplicated death, another part felt that she still had many more years to live. As I sit and think of all the ways grief impacts us, I have realised that it doesn't have a fixed pattern or follow any orders. It works in ways it wants to, and it shows up in different ways for different people in the family.

Twenty years of working as a psychotherapist, and I was still not prepared for loss. Grief showed up as anxiety, a feeling of being wired and being stuck in a state of responding. I felt anxiety about inane things, worried about the health of my loved ones, and found myself in a state where I was acutely aware of my thoughts. I used all the techniques I know as a therapist yet I was sitting with it, accepting and acknowledging my feelings.