How to stop being so hard on yourself

If a friend is struggling with a big challenge or feels defeated, it's usually our first instinct to offer words of comfort and understanding. But often it's not so easy to do this for ourselves.

- Christina Caron

We can be our own harshest critics. Practising a little self-compassion, though, goes a long way. Research shows that when people go through challenges or stressful situations, those who display more self-compassion are more resilient.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the process of expressing support, warmth and understanding towards yourself during difficult times and recognising that you aren't alone in your imperfections.

It arises from mindfulness, which involves staying focused on the present moment without judgment. Self-compassionate people can identify when they are feeling defeated or inadequate, but avoid becoming lost in those feelings so that they can respond to themselves with kindness instead of ruminating, Dr Neff said.

Being kind to yourself doesn't mean hosting a pity party. Our suffering is not unique — flaws and failures are part of what make us human. And while we all suffer in different ways, the knowledge that suffering is universal can help prevent feelings of shame or isolation.

What are the myths about self-compassion?

One common myth is that self-compassion will undermine motivation to improve yourself or your circumstances. But research suggests that support, encouragement and constructive criticism are more effective motivators than negative feedback, Dr. Neff added.