RICHARD IRVINE

DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST TIME DAD OF TWINS Forget baguettes... kids are my slice of happiness

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"It wouldn't be like this if Nigel Farage was in charge," I told the supermarket sales assistant who was helping me search for French bread.

Quite why his elevation to Prime Minister would assist me in acquiring a baguette, I wasn’t sure, but it had been a long day, I was tired and grasping at ridiculous ropes to pull me out of the doldrums.

“He's got a French girlfriend, you might be right,” said my accomplice in the hunt, cheering me up by taking my flippant remark and turning it into relevant trivia.

With the next breath, he let me down, saying they'd sold out of French sticks, but could offer a consolatory couple of floured baps.

Politely declining his offer, I decided the dream of salvaging a terrible day with wine, cheese, and French bread was not to be.