Numbers calling, prizes falling

Observers didn't actually witness US President Donald Trump and European Commission President Ursula von de Leyen calling out, “Legs-eleven, two little ducks, twenty-two, clickety-click, sixty-six,” when they met in Scotland recently, but it must have been close.

- Jane Clifton

The US's tariff crusade has degenerated to the equivalent of a slow night down the bingo hall, with numbers constantly announced but never conclusively scratched out.

For now, the US has hoisted “Young and keen, 15,” as its new, higher impost on European Union exports.

In unprecedented unneigh-bourliness, Canada is reeling from “Jump'n'jive, 35”.

Switzerland is smarting at 39%, China, 30% and India, 25%, whereas the UK and Australia are agloat over “PM's Den - 10”.

But - eyes down, looking! there's a new bingo call every minute, and not just by the US President. Global trade comes with an indefinite purgatory of “technical” talks. As of now, platoons of lethally accomplished technocrat pedants are beetling over the fine print to argue for excluding various categories - amounting to practically every country's entire export output.

Already, carve-outs worth billions have been agreed.