I STOPPED LETTING SHAME SHRINK ME AT WORK

It took years before Uma Thana Balasingam finally reclaimed herself.

- TEXT UMA THANA BALASINGAM

No one taught me how to survive as a brown woman in the corporate world. There was no handbook. Just rules I absorbed.

At first, I thought they were just strategies for success. But deep down, they were something heavier — shame. Because shame doesn’t always scream. It whispers: “You're too much. Tone it down. Blend in or you don't belong.”

And so, I learnt to make myself smaller. I told myself it was about looking polished, but really? I was terrified of being noticed for the wrong reasons.

I learnt to speak perfect English, stripping away the Tamil my parents once taught me. They insisted on “good English” as my armour, and I wore it well - polished, practiced, powerful.

But behind that armour, I felt the sting. My mother tongue and my cultural voice were not welcome in the rooms I wanted to enter.

I stayed out of the sun and used Fair & Lovely cream, believing lighter was safer. I didn’t bring curry to the office for lunch. I didn’t oil my hair unless it was Diwali. You're allowed to be brown when it's festive. The rest of the time? It just felt safer to blend in.

I curated my wardrobe to disappear: no bold lipstick, no bangles, no bindis. A small stud was acceptable, but nothing that shouted or hinted at where I came from. I smiled when people mispronounced my name, because being “easy to work with” felt more valuable than being seen.