The Legend of Zelda

How learning to play a video game unexpectedly helped this mom in her grief journey

- By LORI DURHAM, Brunswick, Georgia

RELUCTANT GAMER Lori never understood her son's video game fascination until she helped her husband in his play and got hooked.

Six years. It had been six years since my son, Russell, died in a car fire. He was only 27. My grief was more manageable than it had been at six days, six weeks, six months. I had accepted that there would always be an empty spot in my heart. My husband, John; my daughter, Allison; and my work as a high school English teacher gave meaning to my life. I’d even been able to find moments of joy again. Still, joy and grief can coexist, and the pain of missing my son never let up.

I tried to keep busy. Otherwise, I got lost in my regrets. I’d scolded Russell so often for his love for video games and demanded that he focus on his schoolwork. Why hadn’t I pushed him less and enjoyed our time together more? As a teacher, I loved learning, and as a parent, one of my greatest joys was discovering something new about my children as they grew into the people God meant for them to be. I would never experience that again with Russell.

Summer was the hardest. During the school year, there was plenty to occupy me. But now, on summer break, there were too many hours to fill, especially on weekdays. John was at work. Allison lived in Florida with her husband. I was home alone, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was at such loose ends that I watched John play a video game to unwind after work. He’d connected his Nintendo Switch console to our living room TV to play on the big screen. He was partway through The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which Allison had convinced me we needed to get him for Christmas. John and Russell had been the gamers in our family. They’d played all kinds of video games together. I'd tuned out, mentally working on lesson plans.