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PLANET OF THE APES!

National Enquirer

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March 18, 2024

LOCALS GOING BANANAS OVER $396 MILLION MONKEY FARM

PLANET OF THE APES!

RESIDENTS of tiny Bainbridge, Ga., are going ape over plans to house 30,000 lab monkeys in a new $396 million medical research facility operated by a major drug company!

Despite howls of protest, municipal officials approved Safer Human Medicine’s plans to build the center, which will eventually become the largest monkey-breeding facility in the U.S.

Now terrified locals are suing to stop the simian invasion, saying they don’t want their town of just over 14,000 people turned into a wild kingdom. They fear the monkey farm will mean higher taxes — and the animals’ waste could contaminate a nearby river. 

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