Querying as Courtship

Yes, You're Trying to Impress, But So Are We

- BY JESSICA BERG, ROSECLIFF LITERARY

No matter if you've sent your fifth query or your 50th, the experience never gets any less vulnerable.

You send something you've spent years working on into someone else's hands, hoping it lands. And let's be honest: most of us treat that moment like a blind date.

Because for years, that's exactly how querying has been framed. You might not know much about the agent you're sending it to, but you do know you have to sell your concept and prove your worth.

You've been taught to perform and to polish every detail until it gleams. The unspoken rule is: Don't be too weird, too messy, too loud, too soft, too much. Just sound like someone “worth investing in.”

That dynamic doesn't hold. Not over time. Because once you sign, it's no longer a blind date. It's a long-term marriage. And the best agents know how to meet you in both spaces: the public pitch and the private spiral. They learn what kind of support actually works for you, and they show up that way—consistently.

So, if you're preparing to send another round of queries, maybe reframe to think of it as courting, but for your publishing era.

GREEN FLAGS OF AGENT-CLIENT COURTSHIP

What does it actually look like when querying isn't just performance? These are the early signs that you're being genuinely seen.

1. THEY ENGAGE WITH YOU, NOT JUST YOUR BOOK.