COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO CHARGE

Hummer is back, only now it's powered by batteries. Is it still military tough? Off to Bagdad we go...

- JACK RIX

The Hummer EV is a ridiculous motor vehicle. It weighs 4,110kg, which is the same as nine Caterham 170Rs and means, if you could buy one in the UK, you'd need an HGV licence to drive it. This $110k Edition 1 model has three motors - two at the back, one at the front - producing a total of 986bhp and 1,200lb ft of torque, enough for a 0-62mph sprint in three seconds flat. That's basically as quick as a Ferrari 296 GTB, despite having the aerodynamics of a shopping centre. It has a claimed range of 329 miles, which is impressive, but only because it has a 205kWh battery - the same as six Honda es. It drains the planet's resources like a sugar-crazed toddler slurping on a milkshake, and in the process upends the electric car's core justification - being in some way beneficial to the environment.

As I approach it for the first time, it's crammed into an underground car park like an elephant in a bungalow and my hatchet is sharpened and ready. This is a grotesque mutilation of functionality, I tell myself, a modern caricature of a defunct military vehicle that was designed to patrol war zones, not chichi boulevards and Instagram profiles. The original Humvee's freakish 71.6-inch track width was so it could follow comfortably in the footprints of a tank, the Hummer EV's track width is two inches wider still... for no discernible reason. This is lunacy.