BOOT POINT

Mulling over the sedan with one of the fastest boots in the world

- Kartik Ware

I cannot identify with today’s cars — not even to save my own life. They defer to matters of cost, practicality and efficiency, all the while pretending to lead lives of thrill and adventure. I call bovine droppings on those lofty declarations, and will do so until I can. But then again — what even is a ‘car’ anymore? I grew up in a building that looked like it was under siege by a battalion of white Hindustan Ambassadors. I was ferried around Mumbai in the now-extinct Premier Padmini taxis. Back then, I could've never imagined a future in which the sedan was on life support — no, I do not mean those sub-4-metre automotive afterthoughts clogging our roads. Which is why it felt like poetic justice to send shockwaves through that four-wheeled monotony in the BMW M5.

After years of sliding into airy monovolume cars without a care, I found myself watching the M5’s A-pillar flash past millimetres from my head in cinematic slow motion. As I landed on the bright-red driver’s seat, the near-miss was instantly forgotten when I saw the M1 and M2 buttons on the steering wheel.

Shiny red buttons in a car always seem to hold a power far greater than their size suggests, and I'll never stop falling for them. With anticipation spiking and my ears bracing for ignition, I thumbed the equally red start button, and was met with... deafening silence.