Act First, Think Later

Rachel Goldsmith Turow, the author of The Self-Talk Workout, offers a way to skip past self-criticism.

- By Rachel Goldsmith Turow

Which comes first, action or thought? Those of us who struggle with self-criticism might assume that thoughts always come first. Self-critical thinking, including the fear of failure, can paralyze us, keeping us from acting in alignment with our deepest values. It’s hard to start an exercise program, apply for a new job, or invite someone to lunch when your mind automatically worries that you’ll mess it up.

Instead of waiting to feel better about yourself before you take action, flip it around: Act first and think later. Healthy actions can lead to healthy self-talk, especially if the actions are specific, scheduled, and consistent. Motivation, confidence, and well-being can all arise from repeated positive actions. For instance, regular acts of service form a central part of many religious and spiritual traditions. The idea is that service itself—the action rather than the intention—cultivates positive internal states. Instead of waiting to become generous before helping others, people become generous through helping others. This route, from behavior to belief, can also work for people who believe that they just can’t begin dating, write a short story, or make a homemade pie.

Going right to the behavior can be a very effective strategy if you can tolerate that you might not actually feel motivated. You might ask yourself, “What would I be doing each day if I felt better about myself?” Can you go straight to doing some of those actions, without waiting for the self-criticism to disappear first? You may find that self-criticism abates after the new behaviors are in place.