A Better Friend

Victor Parachin dives into the Buddha’s advice for being a better friend.

- By ​​​​​​​Victor Parachin

While on an early morning walk, the Buddha encountered a young man named Sigala. The two men engaged in a conversation that became a Buddhist text called the Sigalovada Sutta. During their talk, the Buddha stressed the importance of carefully, thoughtfully choosing good friends, saying: “Young man, know these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.”

Not only does this teaching of the Buddha provide instruction on what kind of friends to select and surround ourselves with, but more importantly, it provides guidance on how to be a better friend. And, in our current culture, friendship is highly welcomed because an increasing number of people feel alone. This condition is worldwide and is so serious that the British government appointed a Minister of Loneliness to help combat this growing mental health issue.

Here is how to be a better friend … the Buddhist way.

Be a helping friend. “The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested,” is the Buddha’s first advice.

An example of giving “double what is requested” is related by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of The Book Of Jewish Values. He tells about a couple visiting with an elderly friend. It quickly became clear the friend was suffering from horrendous back pain. The woman asked him if there was any medication that could relieve the pain.