Occupy the Dating App

In today’s marketplace for love, everybody wants to eat the rich.

- Extremely Online: Emilia Petrarca. Ilustration by Simoul Alva

After getting my first vaccine in late April, I re­ downloaded various dating apps on my phone to discover that everybody—at least straight males ages 27 to 36 in my three­ mile Brooklyn radius—seemed ready to abolish capitalism. One night, while sitting on my couch swiping through Hinge, where users are asked to respond to cutesy prompts about their hobbies and interests, I found Enzo, a man with a mustache and a professional headshot who identified his “Love Language” as “the decommodification of food, housing, and healthcare.” Shortly after, I came across a guy named Jordan whose profile said, “Together, we could: Make art, dismantle the system, and eat grapes at the park.” He was followed by Carl, who, posing with a yellow Labrador retriever, said he wanted to “watch the collapse of the American empire.” Then came another wholesome­looking man who said he was “convinced” that “looting is reparative wealth distribution.” On Tinder, it was the same thing: Almost immediately, I matched with a 27­year­ old who was into parks, people­watching, photography, and woodwork and also identified as a biracial communist.