Taking A Stand

How To Spot—And Neutralize—a Bully.

- Andre Mayer with Gayathri Sankar

Given the heightened awareness around bullying nowadays, most of us think we know what it looks like. But even experts are sometimes surprised by the way this social scourge manifests, especially among adults.

Aparna Samuel Balasundaram, a Gurugram-based psychotherapist, life coach and author, once worked with a married couple that had fallen into a destructive pattern. The wife worked at a consultancy firm, and although she had a busy schedule, her husband expected her to be available whenever he reached out to her. If she didn’t pick up his call or answer within five to 10 minutes of a text, he’d keep badgering her with messages. Even if she were in a meeting, the wife would feel as though she should excuse herself because of how suspicious he would become—aggravated by the fact that she worked in a male-dominated space. As a result, her work suffered. As the sessions progressed, it was revealed that the man had been cheated on by a previous girlfriend. “Although his intent was not bad, the fact that he was carrying baggage did not justify dumping it on her,” Balasundaram says. “The relationship was missing a fundamental factor of trust.”