The Loneliness Of Not Being A Person

As the identification with his mind diminishes, Ajay Kalra realises that he is more of an empty space in which everything happens.

- Ajay Kalra

I have a confession to make. I am no longer a person. This may seem shocking to most people. Or an invitation to be judged crazy. But that is the truth. My Truth. Over a period of time, particularly over the last two years, my identification with my mind-made identity has diminished. I see myself more as the empty space in which all happens. As though the attention has shifted from the foreground of unconscious thinking, to the background awareness in which thinking occurs. In which everything happens.

Before some of you start congratulating me on realising my true self, let me tell you it's lonely not being a person. I cannot relate to most of the conversations that go on around me. People talking passionately about future goals and plans gives me a headache. So do people discussing spiritual practices to achieve higher states of realization. Discussions about self-understanding, self-healing, learning from the past, predictions for the future make me want to run away.

The only thing that interests me is what is happening now. Or just being silent. But most people are not interested in either. Most people are interested in meaning-making, hoping and trying to do something to better their lives.

When I dropped out of the corporate world I thought I had become a minority. When I started teaching mindfulness I thought I had become a greater minority. But realising I am not a person, has made me a minority among the minority.