Why Odd Couples Work So Well

- Esther Perel

Way back when, it was the philosopher Plato who said that we all gravitate toward romantic partners who make us feel complete. These people tend to be our opposites—or at least, very different from us— because we’re enticed by the attributes they have that we don’t. By coupling with them, we feel more whole in parts of ourselves that are less developed. Sometimes, though, those parts are also the ones that we have an inner conflict with. For example, if you’re a homebody, you may find yourself drawn to someone who loves to socialise because they help you get out more... but inside, you may also wish you possessed a more outgoing personality in the first place.

In this way, your partner’s attributes may ignite your vulnerabilities. The irony is that often what’s initially attractive because it is different later becomes a source of conflict. The key is to get to a place where you learn to appreciate each other’s skill sets without judging yourself. Here’s how.

EMBRACE YOUR DISSIMILARITIES