You Are Not Alone

Making friends isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the effort. Studies show that a social circle is good for the body as well as the soul.

- Megan Jones

SHARILENE ROWLAND wasn’t used to flying solo. She’d married young and had her first child when she was 25. But after she divorced and her two sons decamped from the nest, the 53-year-old caterer discovered that the only real social events she attended were the ones where she was hired to cook the food. She had maintained a few close friendships over the years, but the majority of her pals lived in other cities. Her typical evening went something like this: head home after work, make dinner, and … sit around. “I was in my 50s, single, and very lonely,” she says.

Unfortunately, Rowland has plenty of company when it comes to the solitary life. Midlife is when strong ties become both most important to our health and most difficult to maintain. The 2010 census found that the older Americans are, the more likely they are to live alone; 18.6 percent of women and 15.4 percent of men ages 55 to 64 lived alone, for instance, but 47.6 percent of women and 27.2 percent of men ages 85 to 95 did. A 2012 study estimated that anywhere from 10 percent to 43 percent of adults 65 and older were socially isolated—that is, they didn’t have many “fulfilling and quality relationships.”

That is not good for our collective well-being. Studies have shown that friendships can protect older adults from depression, cognitive decline, and heart disease. People with sturdy interpersonal connections tend to eat and sleep better and exercise more.

Yet, while many adults crave new friendships, building those links can feel daunting. “We’re much more self conscious than children. We’re afraid we’ll be rejected,” says Irene S. Levine, a New York–based clinical psychologist who has written extensively about aging and friendship.