Talk The Talk

Keep your emotions in check Think like a negotiator Read body language Avoid snap judgments Really listen.

- Samantha Rideout

We communicate with each other on a daily basis, so why does it feel like we’re not always really connecting? Fact is, bad habits and a lack of awareness of useful tools could be standing between you and your best possible relationships with family, friends and colleagues. Consider these expert tips and learn how to truly hear and be heard.

ACCOUNT FOR YOUR EMOTIONS. Before a single word is spoken, your emotional state can influence the quality of a discussion. For instance, if you’re stressed, your higher brain functions temporarily weaken, your perspective narrows and you are literally less able to hear what’s being said.

When you need to address something upsetting, it’s best to wait until you feel calm. And if an exchange becomes heated, remember that timeouts aren’t just for kids. “You can say that you need to take a break,” says Jacqueline Peters, a relationship, executive and team coach with InnerActive Leadership Associates in Calgary. “But reassure the other person that you’re going to revisit the issue later at a set time so that this strategy doesn’t become a form of conflict avoidance.”

THINK LIKE A NEGOTIATOR. People often enter into high-stakes conversations having rehearsed their own position ad nauseam, which may be counterproductive. “Don’t go in thinking that there’s only one solution and that you already know what it is,” says Misha Glouberman, a Toronto-based communication trainer. Instead, he suggests sparking a joint problem-solving effort by thinking about what outcomes really matter to you, and then keeping an open mind.